Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Results We've ALL been waiting for...

The baby does NOT have Trisomy 18. Baby does however have something a little more complicated. The diagnosis was Triploidy, where unlike Trisomy 18, the baby has an entire extra set of chromosomes instead of just #18. It is again, thank God, a random and very rare event. It is usually caused by 2 sperm fertilizing 1 egg, or in other rare instances the egg already contained a double set of chromosomes. From the characteristics the baby has it looks as if the more common, 2 sperm-1 egg, is likely to be what happened. Large head, severe growth abnormality and small placenta.

With a disorder like this one there is no compatiblity with life and although it is the most difficult decision I've ever had to make, aside from burying or cremating my husband, Nick and I are choosing to end the pregnancy and give birth to our baby. This is the best decision for us and will offer us the most closure. I get to labor and give birth to my sweet baby and daddy and I get to see her. I do not think it is fair to let the pregnancy continue however long it may and have anyone suffer more than they are already. I do not think it is fair to "see how long the baby will live outside of my womb." Even though the greater majority do not make full term and if they are born they are preterm and, more often than not, stillborn. I feel it is cruel and selfish of me to let this continue. My other option besides these 2 (do nothing or give birth) was to get a D&E (dilation and extraction) which is very invasive and can possibly harm me inside which puts me at risk for not being able to carry a baby ever. I do not want to take that risk nor do I feel comfortable with them forcefully taking my baby from me. I want her in one piece and in mommys arm where she is safe.

And although I am not basing my decisions on how anyone else may feel, I do hope everyone will try to understand that this is best for US. In this situation we feel it is the most humane and sentimental way to get through this horribly difficult time. I am scheduled for induction on Monday and will be at Wellington Regional. I will update everyone on my experience if they so wish to hear about it and hopefully will be able to take lots of photos which I will also leave to your discretion of viewing. We plan to choose a new name because so much has changed for this little angel. We will be told for sure if baby contained an extra X or Y chromosome and is girl or boy. We never did get a foolproof look. A new name I feel is appropriate for our baby as she has struggled to stay with us for so long. I plan on buying a lovely receiving blanket and have many plans to make for the arrival and birth of my tiny, angel baby.

Thank you all so much for being a part of this journey with me and for all the love and support you have given me. Most of whom we have only known for a short time and through computer or phone. You have made it possible for me to be as strong as I am and I pray all of you never have to experience anything like this. I also pray that each of you will be up for the next journey we will take when I am blessed to become pregnant again. Love and best wishes to all of you, Nicole.

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