Wednesday, January 27, 2010

What a Monster!

I met with the specialist today, and today only! The consult was less than joyful. I was told the level II ultrasound would be performed and talk of an amnio would be a result of the findings. The ultrasound was done by a female technician who quietly and quickly took images and measurements of my baby while we lay in wonder. She looks completely normal. But I know that means nothing to me and I'm only seeing her as my thriving baby.
The doctor was brought in and he took a look at what the tech had reported to him. "Well it seems we have a serious issue. The baby is lagging about 2 weeks." We proceeded to ask if the amnio would be able to tell us why. The answer we were given... "I see no reason to do. I don't expect her to be around by the time we get the results back."
This man watched a mother cry and then continued to give her baby a death sentence. If i wasn't so upset at the news I would have told him what a horrible monster her was and left the office in a rage. But all I could do was break. I went home fearing my baby would die at any moment. After all this time, something bad is going to happen to my baby.

After a while I finally started to listen to Nick. He held me together and gave me a sense of logic that I needed at the time. He told me to not give up right there and to call my doctor. We visited with him the next day and were given proper information as how to handle the results from the level II. Her head was measuring about 15, her arms and legs around 14 and her belly around 13. I was 16.2 weeks into this pregnancy. Something was obviously not right. But what? We explained to the Dr that the baby was given a couple weeks to live and he was rather distraught that we were told this. He said he would send me to a new specialist and we would figure this thing out. We were on edge but relieved about seeing someone new and the baby's dreary end was not around the corner after all.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Trisomy 18

On January 19th I went into the dr for a routine checkup. After listening to the baby's glorious heartbeat I was sat down to talk with my doctor. During my first trimester screening I was flagged as high risk for a chromosomal abnormaility called Trisomy 18. From my previous experience with my wonderful friend Dawn and being a part of the medical field for some time, I knew this was bad news. I was explained to that anything 1 in 100 would be flagged for risk. My results came back 1 in 70. My heart was aching at the thought of something being wrong with my baby and in that heart I knew something was indeed wrong. we were still hopeful that I was not that 1 in 70 and that I was the other 69.

With Trisomy 18 the quality of life is not optimal. In most cases the baby left to go to term would be born stillborn or would live for a matter of minutes or hours. In some cases, where the defect was not full and only partial, the baby could live for months, possibly even years. But with this would be no vitality. A vegetative state. Limited motor function. Limited brain activity. There was no slight mental retardation as with Down Syndrome (Trisomy 21). My baby would not be a baby but merely a shell of partialy functioning organs. Could I live with that?

My appointment with the specialist was bumped up for next week. A level II ultrasound would be done to check for markers and possibly an amnio to determine exactly if the defect was present. I went home. I cried. And I started to accept the probable end of this pregnancy.