Wednesday, August 18, 2010

18 week update

So we had our secondary round of screening tests; my triple screen. And I am the happiest person in the world to say that every single one came back a 1:5,000 chance. She is perfectly healthy and she will be meeting us in 22 weeks! (give or take lol). Our level II came back perfect too. She is measuring exactly 18 weeks and has been on target at every visit. She is also weighing in well according to their estimates. She's a little over 8 oz. It's amazing that we lost our little B at this stage and he was so incredibly small at just 1.2 oz. I can only imagine how he would have looked if he was her size now. It's been very bittersweet.
I had a horrible panic attack when it hit me that we lost B just a day before and I had this overwhelming feeling of "I'm going to lose my little girl". I felt like if something horrible was going to happen that moment right there was going to be it. Once I calmed down and could breathe again I had to tell myself that he's not going to let anything happen to his little sister. We are already so much farther with testing and her size that it seemed silly to be upset at all. But when I thought about my little boy I just died a little. It's so hard to be joyous and excited about Gianna when I miss my baby boy so much. But I know I need to give her all of what I couldn't give him and now everyday I try to put that into how I feel. She deserves me to be the happiest mommy ever. She is giving me everything that I lost with Beldon and I need to be thankful for that and not dwell on my loss.
And a HUGE P.S. - I felt my first kicks after my appt!!!!!!. I think that was GiGi was telling mommy she was there and that she was ok :)