Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Finally :)

After 3 agonizing weeks of waiting (2 weeks after the bleeding from delivery stopped plus another 3 till now), I finally started AF (aunt flo/menstruation). How ironic that I wanted it to stop then start again so soon lol. God it was such a relief! I Oed (ovulated) CD22 (cycle day22) and had no idea when it would start back up again. I was reading stories that it could be months before her return and I was so scared my body would not respond on its own. I never had problems getting back on schedule after my other losses before but knew I should expect something different after a delivery. It was hard to find information on the internet about induction/delivery and not have the article discuss mostly the baby and breast feeding. Not fun for a grieving mommy to read.
So... she is here and now I will go thru every day wondering how long it will last and will O be on time this month, will my late O change, will Nick be on track with BDing (baby dancing/sex)????? That's the biggest obstacle. The most important part about making another baby. The supposed-to-be-fun part of this whole thing. My biggest prayer for the next 3 weeks will be that he is ready to go at O time. I will have to keep my mouth shut about sex and babies and keep him as happy as I can to get thru this month. Does this ever end? Will I ever get my take-home baby?? Please God let Nick be 'with me' this month. Sigh... All I ever wanted was to be a mom. Now I feel like my time is running out. I know I can't dwell on the What Ifs but it's so hard not to ask the questions: Will I lose another baby? How long will it take us to get PG this time? Will Nick be cooperative? Will I have another stroke of bad luck? The questions go on forever... One baby. That's all I ask. Just 1 healthy baby for me to keep. If you want to give me more that's great! But just that 1 is all I need to make me complete. I will pray, every day, until it happens. That's all I can do for now. Pray.

No comments:

Post a Comment