I met with the specialist today, and today only! The consult was less than joyful. I was told the level II ultrasound would be performed and talk of an amnio would be a result of the findings. The ultrasound was done by a female technician who quietly and quickly took images and measurements of my baby while we lay in wonder. She looks completely normal. But I know that means nothing to me and I'm only seeing her as my thriving baby.
The doctor was brought in and he took a look at what the tech had reported to him. "Well it seems we have a serious issue. The baby is lagging about 2 weeks." We proceeded to ask if the amnio would be able to tell us why. The answer we were given... "I see no reason to do. I don't expect her to be around by the time we get the results back."
This man watched a mother cry and then continued to give her baby a death sentence. If i wasn't so upset at the news I would have told him what a horrible monster her was and left the office in a rage. But all I could do was break. I went home fearing my baby would die at any moment. After all this time, something bad is going to happen to my baby.
After a while I finally started to listen to Nick. He held me together and gave me a sense of logic that I needed at the time. He told me to not give up right there and to call my doctor. We visited with him the next day and were given proper information as how to handle the results from the level II. Her head was measuring about 15, her arms and legs around 14 and her belly around 13. I was 16.2 weeks into this pregnancy. Something was obviously not right. But what? We explained to the Dr that the baby was given a couple weeks to live and he was rather distraught that we were told this. He said he would send me to a new specialist and we would figure this thing out. We were on edge but relieved about seeing someone new and the baby's dreary end was not around the corner after all.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
Trisomy 18
On January 19th I went into the dr for a routine checkup. After listening to the baby's glorious heartbeat I was sat down to talk with my doctor. During my first trimester screening I was flagged as high risk for a chromosomal abnormaility called Trisomy 18. From my previous experience with my wonderful friend Dawn and being a part of the medical field for some time, I knew this was bad news. I was explained to that anything 1 in 100 would be flagged for risk. My results came back 1 in 70. My heart was aching at the thought of something being wrong with my baby and in that heart I knew something was indeed wrong. we were still hopeful that I was not that 1 in 70 and that I was the other 69.
With Trisomy 18 the quality of life is not optimal. In most cases the baby left to go to term would be born stillborn or would live for a matter of minutes or hours. In some cases, where the defect was not full and only partial, the baby could live for months, possibly even years. But with this would be no vitality. A vegetative state. Limited motor function. Limited brain activity. There was no slight mental retardation as with Down Syndrome (Trisomy 21). My baby would not be a baby but merely a shell of partialy functioning organs. Could I live with that?
My appointment with the specialist was bumped up for next week. A level II ultrasound would be done to check for markers and possibly an amnio to determine exactly if the defect was present. I went home. I cried. And I started to accept the probable end of this pregnancy.
With Trisomy 18 the quality of life is not optimal. In most cases the baby left to go to term would be born stillborn or would live for a matter of minutes or hours. In some cases, where the defect was not full and only partial, the baby could live for months, possibly even years. But with this would be no vitality. A vegetative state. Limited motor function. Limited brain activity. There was no slight mental retardation as with Down Syndrome (Trisomy 21). My baby would not be a baby but merely a shell of partialy functioning organs. Could I live with that?
My appointment with the specialist was bumped up for next week. A level II ultrasound would be done to check for markers and possibly an amnio to determine exactly if the defect was present. I went home. I cried. And I started to accept the probable end of this pregnancy.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Lovenox isnt so loveable
So the doctor has decided I go on an anti-coagulate injection to help prevent any clotting issues that may be attributed to the many losses I've had in the past. It's the closest thing to an answer they can come up with. Which is fine with me because I now have something to feel better about. They are extremely unpleasant though as anyone would probably have guessed. It's 40MG in a flimsy pre-filled syringe that has to be injected every 24 hours into the stomach region.
My first shot was awful. Into the stomach was definitely a new area to put a needle in. Thank goodness it's only subcutaneous (into the skin vs into the muscle). The bruising was hideous. In three hours I had a huge purple spot and I took one look at it and thought 'wow! 1 week of this and I won't be able to show my tummy off at all, let alone in 8 months'. Well, Nick thought about it and said there has got to be an easier way to do this so I typed in Lovenox tummy injections into Google and up popped a YouTube video of a girl doing these shots for IVF treatment. She was covered in a few nice black and blues herself and I thought that was just how it had to be. But as I listened to her explaining it she said how she found a new way to help with the bruising. If she inserted the needle very slowly and did not pinch the area then the bruiaing was greatly minimized. Of course this came with a price... Lots more pain! Yay.
So in went the second needle the next night, slow as I could. Ugh! But behold - the bruising was definitely lessened. My 3rd shot was even better :) And it goes back and forth depending on how I do it and such. Sometimes a little bruising and sometimes I get lucky with none at all. Besides the increased pain that comes with slow and steady and not pinching the skin, I found that I am very pain tolerant on my right side and not so much on the left. I am actually starting to look forward to the nights I have to do the injections on the right side. LOL. Pathetic huh? But, at this point in my life, if I had to do them twice a day... I would. To know that something is finally being done to keep this little growing miracle safe I would do anything. So, bring on the shots. Only 232 more days right?...
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
First Impressions
Tuesday Nov. 3rd
It didn't hit me until I saw that little blue line show up on the test. It didn't occur to me how precious my own life just might be. I was wishing for something to happen to give me that reason to live again, and when I least expected it, it hit me from out of nowhere.
I didn't think anything of being pregnant at the time. I was busy and tried to take into consideration that every month I took the extra B6 vitamins and used the Progesterone cream that it lengthened my lutheal phase (a problem I had with early miscarriage) a few days and gave me sore, swollen breasts. So when I realized that 5 days had passed and still no sign of mother nature I thought "hmmmm... let's just check and get it off my mind". Never did I expect to see that little line show up. It was instant! Before I even finished watching the urine wet the entire test window it was there. And it was dark! The darkest I'd seen in soooo long. After going and buying another 2 tests, one that I used that night and the other I was saving for the morning, I think it was then that it hit. It was an instant rush of excitement and fear. I was pregnant. Was I going to lose this one too??? :(
I had my first ultrasound done on the very next day by a tehnician that should not be practicing lol. She told me I was 5 weeks and 5 days through a regular stomach ultrasound. Now, any intelligent person in the medical field knows that you cannot see anything on a regular sonogram until at the earliest 8 weeks and even then it is not accurate. So... I went to my dr. the following Tuesday Nov. 10th to see my OB-GYN. He did a vaginal u/s and we saw a perfect round gestational sac. I've had that happen so many times before and by the next appointment it was always too late. He said give it one week. One week and we would be able to determine if this one was going to go anywhere. Needless to say I prayed all week and asked for the earliest appt. possible for next week lol.
Tuesday Nov. 17th
I got to see my baby for the very first time. The accurate time of how far along I was... 6 weeks 3 days! My New EDD July 10, 2010. I got to hear the whoosh of the heartbeat and see tiny movements. I can't begin to describe the intensity of what I was going through. It is hands down the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. I cried like a little girl and asked questions I don't even remember now. I had to focus on not breaking down completely in the office because it was just an overwhelming feeling of relief and amazement. I will continue to pray everyday for my precious little baby, but I can finally go to bed a little easier at night just knowing I've gotten this far.
It didn't hit me until I saw that little blue line show up on the test. It didn't occur to me how precious my own life just might be. I was wishing for something to happen to give me that reason to live again, and when I least expected it, it hit me from out of nowhere.
I didn't think anything of being pregnant at the time. I was busy and tried to take into consideration that every month I took the extra B6 vitamins and used the Progesterone cream that it lengthened my lutheal phase (a problem I had with early miscarriage) a few days and gave me sore, swollen breasts. So when I realized that 5 days had passed and still no sign of mother nature I thought "hmmmm... let's just check and get it off my mind". Never did I expect to see that little line show up. It was instant! Before I even finished watching the urine wet the entire test window it was there. And it was dark! The darkest I'd seen in soooo long. After going and buying another 2 tests, one that I used that night and the other I was saving for the morning, I think it was then that it hit. It was an instant rush of excitement and fear. I was pregnant. Was I going to lose this one too??? :(
I had my first ultrasound done on the very next day by a tehnician that should not be practicing lol. She told me I was 5 weeks and 5 days through a regular stomach ultrasound. Now, any intelligent person in the medical field knows that you cannot see anything on a regular sonogram until at the earliest 8 weeks and even then it is not accurate. So... I went to my dr. the following Tuesday Nov. 10th to see my OB-GYN. He did a vaginal u/s and we saw a perfect round gestational sac. I've had that happen so many times before and by the next appointment it was always too late. He said give it one week. One week and we would be able to determine if this one was going to go anywhere. Needless to say I prayed all week and asked for the earliest appt. possible for next week lol.
Tuesday Nov. 17th
I got to see my baby for the very first time. The accurate time of how far along I was... 6 weeks 3 days! My New EDD July 10, 2010. I got to hear the whoosh of the heartbeat and see tiny movements. I can't begin to describe the intensity of what I was going through. It is hands down the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. I cried like a little girl and asked questions I don't even remember now. I had to focus on not breaking down completely in the office because it was just an overwhelming feeling of relief and amazement. I will continue to pray everyday for my precious little baby, but I can finally go to bed a little easier at night just knowing I've gotten this far.
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