So I know its way too early to see anything on the ultrasound so that's null and void for going in. But we have a lot to talk about to ease my mind this time.
The dr did the sono anyway just in case. He thought he saw a speck already but wasn't totally sure. Said everything looked good otherwise and I was thankful he didn't do a cervix check. I am feeling not so great down there and that would have been not so nice haha.
Before he left the room he asked me about the Lovenox injections. Yes ASKED me. I was thankful for that because I was sure they were going to be a must. But Nick and I already discussed my feeling on doing them this time and agreed if I was comfortable without then it was ok. So I told him I wanted to go at it without and he was fine with that. I asked him about my cold and he told me what was ok to take. I asked him about the weird 'pain' in my hoo haa and I got the pause and the look. He just smiled. because of course he couldn't help himself when I gave the description of it feeling like i pulled a muscle down there. His reply... 'You think you pulled a pussy muscle? Can't help you with that one'. HAHA! Yes my dr is rather mouthy and that's why I like him. It even got a giggle out of the lady he had with him who looked like she was interning. God help her being with him all day haha.
So nothing else to really tell. We agreed to make my next sono in 3 weeks. There won't be too much byt a sac to see next week and just a grain of rice the week after that. So the closer I am to 7 weeks the better picture we will get of baby and the better measurement for my EDD. Normally I would freak out if I didn't go back next week but I feel very faithful about this pregnancy and know the 3 weeks wait will be more benefical to me in the end. I can't wait to show off my little gummy bear the 31st!!
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
We did it! Literally haha
Well it looks like all the fighting (mentally and physically lol) has paid off 10 fold. We are officially PREGNANT! I'm so thankful it only took a few months. Those few months were hard enough. I can't imagine what kind of a basketcase I'd be if it took any longer. I've lost way too many marbles over the last 2 years to be able to afford losing anymore.
So I had the itch haha. The 'I think' itch. It was difficult to follow it because I had bad pain for a while last month and thought the twinges and funny feelings I had would be chalked up to the same outcome - Not Pregnant. I kept telling Nick 'if I'm not pg this month then I have to go see the dr because something is wrong'. This month felt different tho, and I was extremely careful to be only cautiously optimistic because last month I let my hopes get the best of me. I still remember the exact moment where I felt 'pinch' and was like hmmm that feels very familiar. I prayed, had my fingers and toes crossed and just tried to wait it out.
Thursday morning I woke up and felt happy. That's the only way I can describe it haha. It's very rare to wake up and instantly feel something like that. I thought maybe i had a great dream (a BFP one of course lol) and decided eh what the hell, I'll take a test even tho it's super early. (I was 8dpo today but thought I was 9dpo according to my chart.) So I peed into my little cup and dipped my test and wrapped it back up to put on the window sill which has now become the home of all my pee sticks. I walked into the kitchen and uh oh, I feel not so good. My stomach was a little queasy and I told Nick since he was right there. He gave me a little woohoo and a smirk. Went about my day and then I remembered! O yea I took that test! I went back into the bathroom and sat on the toilet to 'examine' my test. This was a ritual last month. So I looked and looked some more and turning it this way and that caught a glimpse of something.
So of course I jump on the computer and tell my girls that I think I see something but I'm probably just a crazy person. I remember telling Dawn 'I think I see something where there should be a line. Like can you see the line that would show up if there was gonna be a line?' and she said 'Not unless you are PG!' haha. So I told Nick later on after more time of playing superman-goggles that we have a maybe. He said cool we'll go get some more tests. So I buy 5, like anyone doubted that hehe. 3 FRER and 2 CBE digis. Sure enough the next morning it was unmistakeably there and even he could see it. The day before he asked to see the invisible line test and said yea I see nothing lol. Of course he wouldn't see anything, he's a guy haha.
So I'll continue to test till tomorrow because it's my last test. I'll be 13 dpo and on my way to my first prenatal appt. Darker every day so far so I know my levels are going up. I don't have much going on for symptoms, which I'm hoping is just because my awful cold I happened to get Thursday has been the reason why. Lots of crampy feelings, bloating by the minute, lots of cm, little bit of nausea and some weight loss. Down 6 lbs tho which I am liking. So for now... we are pregnant and happy and just praying everything goes well.
So I had the itch haha. The 'I think' itch. It was difficult to follow it because I had bad pain for a while last month and thought the twinges and funny feelings I had would be chalked up to the same outcome - Not Pregnant. I kept telling Nick 'if I'm not pg this month then I have to go see the dr because something is wrong'. This month felt different tho, and I was extremely careful to be only cautiously optimistic because last month I let my hopes get the best of me. I still remember the exact moment where I felt 'pinch' and was like hmmm that feels very familiar. I prayed, had my fingers and toes crossed and just tried to wait it out.
Thursday morning I woke up and felt happy. That's the only way I can describe it haha. It's very rare to wake up and instantly feel something like that. I thought maybe i had a great dream (a BFP one of course lol) and decided eh what the hell, I'll take a test even tho it's super early. (I was 8dpo today but thought I was 9dpo according to my chart.) So I peed into my little cup and dipped my test and wrapped it back up to put on the window sill which has now become the home of all my pee sticks. I walked into the kitchen and uh oh, I feel not so good. My stomach was a little queasy and I told Nick since he was right there. He gave me a little woohoo and a smirk. Went about my day and then I remembered! O yea I took that test! I went back into the bathroom and sat on the toilet to 'examine' my test. This was a ritual last month. So I looked and looked some more and turning it this way and that caught a glimpse of something.
So of course I jump on the computer and tell my girls that I think I see something but I'm probably just a crazy person. I remember telling Dawn 'I think I see something where there should be a line. Like can you see the line that would show up if there was gonna be a line?' and she said 'Not unless you are PG!' haha. So I told Nick later on after more time of playing superman-goggles that we have a maybe. He said cool we'll go get some more tests. So I buy 5, like anyone doubted that hehe. 3 FRER and 2 CBE digis. Sure enough the next morning it was unmistakeably there and even he could see it. The day before he asked to see the invisible line test and said yea I see nothing lol. Of course he wouldn't see anything, he's a guy haha.
So I'll continue to test till tomorrow because it's my last test. I'll be 13 dpo and on my way to my first prenatal appt. Darker every day so far so I know my levels are going up. I don't have much going on for symptoms, which I'm hoping is just because my awful cold I happened to get Thursday has been the reason why. Lots of crampy feelings, bloating by the minute, lots of cm, little bit of nausea and some weight loss. Down 6 lbs tho which I am liking. So for now... we are pregnant and happy and just praying everything goes well.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Happy Mothers Day! To ME!
I wanted to say Happy Mothers Day to all my girls. It's so nice to know I'm a mommy this year. My first Mothers Day and I didn't hear jack from family. Does everyone really think it's best not to talk about everything I've gone thru or think maybe that it would be healthy to be regarded as a 'mother' after what I went thru. I just don't get it. Not one call from anyone.
I went to visit my son. Yes, how painful is it to have to visit your dead son on your first Mothers day and get absolutely no support from anyone except your husband? I don't know why I let it surprise me anymore tho. Guess it'll never fail to. Well I go to his grave and as if it wasn't a rough enough day, I see that his ballon is not there and it looks as if his bunny is gone. I go over quickly and realize the ballon has broken (which is most likely from the wind) but his bunny has no head! I immediately feel my heart sink.
Who would do this? And to not even leave a note? Why is it broken? I am so upset of course I cry. I know ti wasn't done intentionally, at least I'd like to think not, but it was just that prick I didn't need that day at that moment. It was time to take the Easter gifts home anyway :( I thanked my little angel for blessing his mommy with a new life and told him how much I loved him. I said thank you for making me a mommy.
I went to visit my son. Yes, how painful is it to have to visit your dead son on your first Mothers day and get absolutely no support from anyone except your husband? I don't know why I let it surprise me anymore tho. Guess it'll never fail to. Well I go to his grave and as if it wasn't a rough enough day, I see that his ballon is not there and it looks as if his bunny is gone. I go over quickly and realize the ballon has broken (which is most likely from the wind) but his bunny has no head! I immediately feel my heart sink.
Who would do this? And to not even leave a note? Why is it broken? I am so upset of course I cry. I know ti wasn't done intentionally, at least I'd like to think not, but it was just that prick I didn't need that day at that moment. It was time to take the Easter gifts home anyway :( I thanked my little angel for blessing his mommy with a new life and told him how much I loved him. I said thank you for making me a mommy.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
To my girls...
Dawn, I told you I would say it, and here it is:
YOU WERE RIGHT! And I couldn't thank you enough for being so!
To all of girls: Jessica & Jamie for pushing me EVERY night and listening to my venting and cry baby whining. To all who have prayed and wished and really, really meant it when they said they would think of me and the thing I wanted most in the world - Thank You!! For everyone who stuck by me and really cared how I was after I lost my son - Thank you! I love all of you so much and I can't say it enough. If you had any clue how much all of your support means to me you would hurt. Because I hurt right now. My heart is holding so much love for all of you and for the miracle that I got with your help, it actually hurts. I am overwhelmed with so much emotion and want to give all of you a hug. I'm just not sure if I would let go :) Thank you for standing by me and encouraging me not to give up and to stay positive. I wouldn't be feeling the life growing inside me and experiencing all the joy I am right now without you all. I wish nothing but the best for all of you. You got me here, one day, I hope to return the favor. I can't wait to have all of you with me from now on. Thank you girls.
YOU WERE RIGHT! And I couldn't thank you enough for being so!
To all of girls: Jessica & Jamie for pushing me EVERY night and listening to my venting and cry baby whining. To all who have prayed and wished and really, really meant it when they said they would think of me and the thing I wanted most in the world - Thank You!! For everyone who stuck by me and really cared how I was after I lost my son - Thank you! I love all of you so much and I can't say it enough. If you had any clue how much all of your support means to me you would hurt. Because I hurt right now. My heart is holding so much love for all of you and for the miracle that I got with your help, it actually hurts. I am overwhelmed with so much emotion and want to give all of you a hug. I'm just not sure if I would let go :) Thank you for standing by me and encouraging me not to give up and to stay positive. I wouldn't be feeling the life growing inside me and experiencing all the joy I am right now without you all. I wish nothing but the best for all of you. You got me here, one day, I hope to return the favor. I can't wait to have all of you with me from now on. Thank you girls.
Friday, May 7, 2010
May 7th
May 7th
Dear Baby,
You are here! You knocked and you are really here! I don't even know what to write tonight because all the joy is running thru my body and my fingers don't want to stay still. You really are here :) Daddy saw the line and so do all the girls who have been praying for mommy to meet you!! You heard my wishes and I can't believe it. You must grow strong baby. Strong and healthy so mommy can watch you grow and hold you in my arms. Please stay safe baby. Mommy will take the best care of you. I will never let anything happen to you if I can stop the bad things. All I can do is cry big, happy tears that you knocked so loudly on mommys door. I know you feel the love I have for you. I know you will grow strong and make it all the way. You are my someday baby and I'm so happy you came home to me. Keep knocking baby. Let mommy know you are staying with me. I love you so very much. Thank you for listening to my heart. It beats for you now precious.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
May 6th
May 6th
Dear Someday Baby,
I think today may be the day you let mommy know you are here. My tummy is icky and the pain is steady in one spot. I took that test to tell me when you get here and I hope I'm not crazy. I think I see something there but no one else can. I think its you sweet little pea! I really think you have been listening to your mommy. I will try again tomorrow to see if you can knock a little louder for us. Knock louder baby! I can't wait to see if this is you at my door. I love you so much and the love is intense right now. I hope you can feel it if you are getting snug inside. Please be you. Please say hi to mommy. I love you!
(If this is our little miracle I am 8dpo today)
Dear Someday Baby,
I think today may be the day you let mommy know you are here. My tummy is icky and the pain is steady in one spot. I took that test to tell me when you get here and I hope I'm not crazy. I think I see something there but no one else can. I think its you sweet little pea! I really think you have been listening to your mommy. I will try again tomorrow to see if you can knock a little louder for us. Knock louder baby! I can't wait to see if this is you at my door. I love you so much and the love is intense right now. I hope you can feel it if you are getting snug inside. Please be you. Please say hi to mommy. I love you!
(If this is our little miracle I am 8dpo today)
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
May 5th
May 5th
Dear Someday Baby,
Good morning my sweet thought. As I write this all I can do is think I feel you tapping on my heart. Are you knocking baby? All I can do is wait for you to tell me. Is that you in there my sweet little miracle? Tell me soon so mommy can stop worrying that something is wrong with me. The pains have moved and I'm just praying you are knocking. I want nothing more than to meet you. Please come home soon. Mommy is waiting very patiently for you sweet baby. A kiss for everyday I wait for you.
Dear Someday Baby,
Good morning my sweet thought. As I write this all I can do is think I feel you tapping on my heart. Are you knocking baby? All I can do is wait for you to tell me. Is that you in there my sweet little miracle? Tell me soon so mommy can stop worrying that something is wrong with me. The pains have moved and I'm just praying you are knocking. I want nothing more than to meet you. Please come home soon. Mommy is waiting very patiently for you sweet baby. A kiss for everyday I wait for you.
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